Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Sawyer's apple

Ohh my. It's been a while.  
It's naptime, it's quiet, and the "Hawthorne hurricane" that is my house at this moment will have to wait.  
The funny thing is that this story I am about to tell did not happen today, or yesterday. It happened about a month ago. August 15th to be exact. I knew in that moment that I needed to write about it. But wasn't exactly sure what.
I scratched some notes down about it in my prayer notebook, dated it, and well...went on with my life. More likely, got distracted with the next thing on my to-do list, was needed by one of the little humans I'm raising, and the thought of the incident was long gone. Gone like a freight-train, gone like yesterday, gone like a soldier in the civil war.. you get the picture. No need for all the Montgomery Gentry lyrics. lol. I tend to break out in song over here all the time, my poor kids.
Anyways.. so today I found my note.
Sawyer, my 4 year old, had just woke up from his nap. He asked for a snack, and then decided he actually wanted to get it himself.
An apple.
"Sawyer, do you want me to help you cut that apple?" I asked.
"No mom, I'm going to do it myself," he politely responded.
I saw him fumble into the drawer for his "kid knife," took out a plate and proceeded to sit down at the little white table and attempt to cut up his apple.
"Are you sure you don't want help bud?" I asked again.
"Nope, I've got it Mom!"
I watched from the couch as he started cutting the apple on one side and close to his fingers. He actually had the knife flipped upside down so the "sharp side" was not even on the skin of the apple.
By force he got a little cut into the apple with the blunt side of the knife, but that was about it.
Frustrated, he turned the apple the other way and proceeded to try again in the other direction.
He had the right tool.
Unsuccessful, he finally looked up to me for instruction.
"Ok mom, I guess I do need some help," he sighed.
I went over and his little attempts at cutting into the apple were in the shape of a cross.
I smiled.  
It's funny how the Lord speaks to me. Through braiding my daughter's hair, or the way my son cuts apples. But I felt the Lord speaking to me in that moment.
Oh little Sawyer, my son, I am just like you.
I get so excited to do things in this life. I feel "big enough" to tackle them sometimes. Those that know me in real life, well you know if I'm in, I'm all in. There isn't much in between.
A go-getter I guess you could say.
Sometimes I get so excited and even though I feel like I have all the tools to get the job done, I get frustrated and my go-to is well.. I get overwhelmed.
The funny thing is that it always brings me right back to the cross.
To my knees.
To repenting.
I realize I've failed to ask for instruction from the author of this life.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:5
God tells us to ask for wisdom and it will be given freely.
It's so simple really.
But at times, so hard.
Oh pride. It seems as though you and I have met yet again.
I have the Word - the right tool. It's asking for the wisdom to understand and the ability to apply these truths in my own life with strength other than my own that I constantly have to remind myself. 
I don't have to do this journey through life and handle all the things that God has called me to in my own strength.
This is so comforting.. yet, like a small child, I often forget.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."
2 Timothy 1:7
"I can do all things through him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
I have a helper.
I just need ask.
I remember as I sat their patiently watching Sawyer attempt to cut the apple and fail, I was not upset. I watched as he got more frustrated. I was there, just waiting for him to ask me for help.
Isn't that how our Father sees us?
Patient. Waiting. Ready and willing to help.
My friends, I'm praying today as I close out this post, and my oldest is now ready for me to help her make her Rainbow Loom bracelet, that today you cast your burdens on Him.
Let the Lord guide you.
Let Him instruct you.
Give Him your day.
The heavy lifting has already been done for us.
His yoke is light.
The next time we find ourselves forcefully trying to cut into our own "apples" I pray that we will remember this, stop, and ask our greatest Helper for instruction.
The answer might be as simple as turning over that knife.