The Messy Braid.

Distracted.   Last night I was praying and I felt like the word "distracted" was being highlighted in my mind.   It wasn't "distracted" in the sense that my mind kept wandering during my prayer time, but it was the word "distracted" in the past tense form.   I've been "distracted" is what came to mind.   I texted a friend far too late, asking her for some input on this word in scripture, talked to my husband about it, and finally crashed for the night still pondering what exactly the Lord was trying to tell me.   This morning I woke up with the word still on my mind.   Distracted.    I was getting my crew ready to leave the house and it was Addyson's turn to come to the bathroom and stand on her little pink step stool for me to do her hair.   I chose a single fishtail braid today.   Gathering the strands of her long hair, I began to move my hands from side to side beginning the braid. In about two seconds her little head jetted to the left yelling for Sawyer.   "Be still Addy, be still," I said gently.   She sat still for another few strands and then her little head jetted to the right reaching for something. I clung to the braid and reminded her that I was trying to make this braid look pretty, and she needed to hold still in order for me to do so.   "I know mom, I know," she sighed.   It was in that very instant that I felt the Lord made that word "distracted" come to life.   I looked at her hair and this braid I was creating and it made me think of our Creator who holds every strand of our life in his hands. He has a magnificent design in place. He's the grand weaver. But how often I am like my 5 year old daughter, constantly turning from side to side becoming distracted with everyday life.   The braid gets messy.   The Lord is constantly pressing on my heart to be still. In the quiet is when I can truly hear Him.   “Be still, and know that I am God."  Psalm 46:10   We make excuses.   I know I do.   Now the holidays are upon us, and it's one of the most distracting times of the year. The shopping lists are a mile long, there aren't enough weekends to get everything done.   This time of year is when we need to grab hold of these truths and not let go.   "Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up." James 4:10   Do our best to not let a day go by without our daily bread.   "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5   Becoming distracted is what messes up the perfect braid, but the most amazing part is that as soon as I return to that place of resting my focus on the most important thing, I can see the magnificent braid start to take shape once again.   He does have a plan.   We don't know the complete path the Lord has for us, but we can rest in the promise that He knows the plans He has for us and it is not for destruction. He promises us that He works ALL THINGS for good for those that love him! ALL THINGS! Not some things, ALL THINGS.   "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28   "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11   We aren't promised to escape suffering, but we can rest in these truths and realize that being still and leaning on the Lord is truly what is going to make this messy braid that is our lives look beautiful in the end.   Sometimes I feel like we almost become content with the messy braid. Not realizing what God truly has in store for us.   “It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” C.S. Lewis   I love this quote by C.S. Lewis. We get distracted and settle for mud pies all the time.   I am now closing out today and thanking God. Thanking Him for gently reminding me of my own tendency to become easily distracted.   My heart is eager to do His will, but that whole "being human" part definitely gets in the way sometimes.   I'm praying that in this busy season where being distracted is the social norm, that we will take the time to be still and realign as often as we can.   It's only to make the braid more beautiful.   ♥    

Domestication breakthrough.

Ok, I am deviating from my typical blog posts because I have recently had a domestication breakthrough... 6 1/2 years into marriage and 5 years into mommyhood.   I want to shout from the rooftops what has been working for me, so this was the best way to do so. lol.   Here's the gist..  

Yup, you read that correct.    I have found a solution to my never ending laundry crisis in the Hawthorne home.   I am not about to tell you that my solution is the only way, I'm just here to tell what has been working for this stay-at-home, part-time work at home, homeschooling, mamma of a 5, 3 and 1 year old.   I'm sure as the kids get older, different seasons, this method will have to change, but for now, I'm rocking it out!   I'm also here to tell you that I did not come up with this on my own.   My dear friend came over to play a few weeks ago, and when I went on my typical rant about the fact that I can never keep up on the laundry, she very simply told me that she doesn't really have that problem.   I gasped.   She as well is a momma of a 4, 3 and 1 year old.   She told me what she does, and I immediately set out to give it a whirl. I mean, we all know the definition of insanity right? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. lol.   Guess what.   It's been working.   So here goes!!   ONE MOMMA'S SOLUTION TO THE LAUNDRY CRISIS:   1. Only use ONE laundry basket for all of the family's clothes. I know what you are thinking... but I have SUCH a cute hamper in my baby's room!!! Use it for toys, stuffed animals, I don't care what. But DON'T use it for dirty laundry! lol! I'm telling you, having all the laundry in many different rooms contributes to the chaos. I have one small basket that I can carry downstairs to the laundry room and it is in our master bedroom walk-in closet.  

  2. Get rid of all laundry baskets that hold enough dirty clothes to keep you washing for an entire weekend and still not be caught up. Kelly, my sweet neighbor, if you are reading this, I actually felt guilty when I gave you my big baskets a few weeks ago.. wondering if I was contributing to your laundry crisis. LOL.  

  3. Keep 3 small baskets in your laundry room for sorting. I have a very small laundry room, so there is not enough space to have a sorting hamper in there. So that's where my three small baskets on top of the washer and dryer come in. One for light, one for dark, and one for special attention clothes! hehe.   These baskets are $3.99 each at Target. Get them! lol!   http://www.target.com/p/laundry-basket-rectangular-seagoing/-/A-13673970#prodSlot=medium_1_14&term=laundry+basket   4. EVERY MORNING bring down the small basket from the closet and sort clothes into correct baskets. This takes all of 5 minutes. No excuses! lol.   5. As soon as a basket load is full, throw it in. I usually do this first thing in the morning. Following coffee of course. This happens quickly since the sorting baskets are small.   6. On average, I'm doing around two loads every other day it seems like. Of course, when you have newborns in the mix, this will probably be a daily thing with all the burp clothes, blankets.. etc. On the days in between I will rotate with bedding.   7. As soon as a load is done, fold it and put it away. I did this very scientific experiment a few months ago and calculated the time it took me to casually take out a load from the dryer, bring it upstairs, fold it, and put it away. I know some of you are not going to believe me, but it took me 7 minutes. Of course, I wasn't distracted by a newborn or being requested by a toddler, but my friends, if we have a 10 minute window we can do this!!! lol!    8. Let your kids help. Addyson, my 5 year old, was fully capable of folding, sorting and organizing her clean clothes into her drawers! And on top of it, she was excited to help and felt accomplished!  

  TA-DA!!   That's it.   NOTE: If you are like me, you will be appalled at how many clothes you actually have. When all the laundry is caught up, I could barely close my kids' drawers.. and let's not even talk about my own closet.. So unnecessary! We ended up going through all the clothes and finding an awesome local organization that we could donate some of them to. Good Will is good... but there are other organizations that are GREAT! Some of them are helping parents that can't afford to clothe their babies.. and they are doing it for free...     One of those in my area is called Solutions For Change.   http://www.solutionsforchange.org/ ♥    We have lots on our plates as busy moms and dads.   Hopefully this little laundry tip will help a few of you, and maybe some of you can comment with some solutions that have worked for you!   Raising kids is an amazing blessing...and a lot of work!    Let's conquer this laundry crisis so we can move on to the more important things!    I can't begin to explain the little bit of freedom I have experienced from this little method. Those baskets that were always haunting me are gone.   Yes, there will be days where things will surely get behind, but let me tell you, this is a breakthrough!!   XO.   ♥

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

Galations 6:9

Distracted in prayer time... who me?

I'm finally getting up early again. I've had weeks of convincing myself that due to the fact that my now 11 month old is still not sleeping through the night, that I deserve that extra hour of sleep.   Not this morning.   I set my alarm last night and although I grumbled to myself all the way to the Keurig this morning, I am now two hours into my day and being given the beautiful privilege of blogging some thoughts and watching the sunrise.   Let me just tell you that I feel pretty silly as I'm about to write out what is on my mind.   I've read this verse in Romans many, many times.   "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do....   So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God- Through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:21-25   I've recalled reading this verse and thinking to myself on more than one occasion, oh man.. that poor Paul (the author). He must really be far from God, I mean, come on. Why does he keep doing things that he hates? I just don't even get it! It's not that hard! Do good things Paul! Wasn't he an apostle?! Sheesh.   And now today I sit here completely baffled at my foolishness.   It's absolutely amazing how much credit we can give to ourselves.   We constantly compare ourselves to each other, and somehow feel like we are better off because at least we are making better choices than that one friend we have...   We convince ourselves that we aren't that bad, and that we don't need God as much, why? Maybe because our sin isn't so obvious to Instagram or Facebook.   Instead we use each other's little snapshots of their lives, make judgments about them and ultimately use them as the standard of living this life well, and decide on our own where we fall on that scale. Is this not true? I wish it weren't.   When our standards should be the ones in black in white.   The ones in the book that we didn't write.   Although I have been a Christian for most of my life, I am now seeing things in my life, and in my actions that I am not proud of. It brings me to my knees realizing how much I need the Lord every day of my life. Every day is a gift that we don't deserve.   My pastor put it plainly last night.   - The closer we get to God, the more we see our own sinfulness. -   Now, this may sound super negative, but in fact, it's not.   Instead it gives me a new hope.    A renewed thankfulness for what was actually done on that cross so many years ago.   What I'm most encouraged by is that by finding these yucky places in my heart that need help and realizing them, I have a wonderful maker that is ready and waiting to help me move through them.   I do not need to fix myself on my own.   In fact, I can't.   "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. if a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15 4-5.   Isn't that actually a weight lifted?   Prayer is one of those ways we stay close to God and abide in Him   I'm learning more and more about the power of prayer. It's the way we get to communicate with this God that we owe all our lives to.   I got a tip from a sermon I was listening to on an app the other day.    {The Village Church is amazing by the way. Pastor Matt Chandler. Download the app. NOW. Lol.}   The pastor was explaining how he gets very distracted in his prayer time. Um.. YUP. That's me too. I either pray and fall asleep at night or I try to pray and then think of a million things I have on my to do list. I'm terrible.   So this morning, I took his idea and tried it.   It worked for me.   I sat down in the quiet of the morning and I wrote in a notebook as I prayed. I made quick notes of the people and what I was praying for them for. I filled up two pages in 15 minutes. I didn't get distracted. It was amazing. Not only that, now I have a record of what I was praying for on this 24th of June in 2013, and I can't wait to see God answer these prayers in different ways.   The other thing I've had on my heart about prayer is that it doesn't always need to be lengthy and in a quiet part of my day. I can talk to God anytime. When the kids are having "one of those days," a quick, "Lord, help me stay joyful," He will hear.   I just want to end this post and encourage you all my friends..   Don't feel worse if you are starting to in fact see areas of your life that need more attention than maybe you thought. Be encouraged. This is growth.   My pastor explains this..   We don't drift towards holiness.   Oh the truth in that statement!   We must be attentive to our yucky heart issues and with God's help work through them until we can look back and say, wow, that's how I used to be, but now, thanks to God ALONE, I am new.   ♥    

God loves date night too.

Date night. Now that's a word that I haven't used in a while. Sadly, but true.   Last night John and I had our first date night in months.  

    I'm sure many of you can relate, but when we look at our busy schedules and our budgets, unfortunately date night is one of the first things to go.   Our family has an even crazier schedule to work around with my job taking up 2-3 nights per week, John having a leadership meeting one night a week, and the church plant we are blessed to be a part of falling on Sunday evenings.   That leaves us exactly 2 open evenings a week.    Tuesday & Saturday.   Saturdays as you all know are usually booked months in advance with birthday parties and special events, and my hubby works until 2 pm on Saturdays as well, so by the time he gets home at 3 pm half the day is gone.   I'm not saying all this to vent or look for sympathy, it's a reality of the season of our life right now, and we make it work.   We make it work by truly making every moment count of the time we do get together as a family.   But still, even with doing our best to make the most of the time we get, we realize that putting off our own little date night long enough and sometimes we can start to feel like we are just two good friends on the same team getting through each week.   Romance, uh.. what was that again?   So I say this because we are so guilty.    Date night is tough.   It costs money. Who would watch ALL 3 kids? Who can we trust? We already ask family for all the super important babysitting needs, so asking them "just for a date night" seems like a burden.   At least that's all the excuses we use.   So we have tried to have date nights in after the kids go to bed, and to be honest, I'm that awesome date that falls asleep 10 min into watching James Bond. Woohoo!   So this week something crazy happened.   I got a text from a girl that I used to coach on the varsity high school gymnastics team.   Side note, this is a girl I absolutely ADORE and always have.   Text read:   Hey Heather! For some reason I was thinking about you and your kiddos and I know how busy you are so I just wanted to let you know if you ever are in need of a date night and need a babysitter.. I'm totally available! :)   Are you kidding me?!   I think I froze or gasped or tapped my phone a few times to make sure this was a real text.   Our conversation went on and she explained that God totally put me on her heart to contact me, and she almost ignored it, but then she felt a big old push so she decided to just go ahead and throw it out there.   I honestly wanted to cry. Happy tears.   Yes, we were desperate for a date night.   So I cleared my work schedule and we booked her for a few days later.   I seriously could not believe it.   I felt so blessed in that moment.   God truly knows our every need and He provides my friends.
"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:19   I just kept thanking her for taking that awkward jump and texting me, because God used her in that moment. She was an answer to prayer.   ♥   So we left on our date night last night and restaurant hopped! It was such a blast. Went somewhere for a drink and appetizer, then another place for an entrée and then the last place for dessert. We talked and laughed like we were dating. I'm sure no one would have known we left the 3 kids under 5 at home. lol!   And I was blown away that even my insanely clingy 9 month old did fabulous and all three were asleep by 9 pm. So we were out at ease knowing all was well.   We didn't even snap pics and post them to Instagram this time. We just enjoyed the rare, precious time we got together to be alone.   Date night. It's a necessity my friends.   I truly feel like convincing ourselves that date nights are not important is one of the biggest lies that the enemy can get us to believe.   They are important.   With 50% of marriages falling apart these days, we have to FIGHT to be on the 50% that do stay together, and when I say together, I mean together ENJOYING each other.   Good marriages don't just happen.   Date night is a simple, yet amazing way to fill up your marriage so that you are ready to tackle life together.   Now we have seen the fruit of it and we told our girl that she will be booked every week for eternity. haha. Totally joking, but we are definitely going to try to make date night a more regular part of our schedule.   Once, maybe twice a month would be our goal.   Mommies and daddies.. if you don't have someone that can swap kids with you, or family to watch your kiddos, start praying for this person.   God is all about strengthening marriages, and I'm telling ya, He will hear those prayers.   Maybe you are an auntie or a friend of someone with little ones.   Maybe you have someone on your heart that you know could really use a date night.   Ask them.   I can assure you it will knock their socks off when you offer.   God is good.   So good.   ♥  

From 2... to 3.

I woke up to an inbox message from a sweet and talented gal. She was privately asking me a few questions about how life has changed from going from two kids to three. I chuckled when I read her message as I was sucking down my first cup of coffee after being up with Capri five... I think five, maybe more.. times last night. I almost waited to respond to her thinking, oh Lord, she doesn't want to know how I feel right now, but felt compelled to share my heart and now here I am also sharing my heart with the rest of you. 

Let me back track a tad to explain that while going from one kid to two kids 21 months apart, I had a relatively seamless transition. I actually started my business, Raving Tans, when Sawyer was only three months old. I was blessed with very easy going babies, that slept fairly well. I remember the first time leaving the house with both of them and it took me, no joke, two hours to pack everything. I now realize how much I have changed. I somehow managed to get all four of us out the door this morning in 15 min. It was a ridiculous morning where I actually was so exhausted that I was sitting there sipping coffee after responding to her message, baby was sleeping, kids were hanging out after eating breakfast and at exactly 8:15 I looked up and realized OH MY GOSH TODAY IS A SCHOOL DAY!!! We have to leave the house at 8:30. I literally flew upstairs, woke up the baby, threw on Sawyer's rain boots with his pjs and Addy got herself ready in lightening speed. We were all laughing! I kept telling Addy, I can't believe mommy forgot it was a school day!! I felt so ridiculous. Some how we made it to school on time with no tears, no one upset. I remember looking at my diaper bag on the way out and thinking, no time to pack that, if she has a bomb on the way to school, well, I guess it will wait until we get home to change it! Bad, I know. I grabbed the keys, my trusty old hat and we were off.

So, although I have relaxed a lot since having three, I must also say that I regularly feel like I have lost half of my brain cells. Most likely to sleep deprivation... STILL.. at six months old.

Oh coffee... you are good to me! Which I proudly {not sure why proudly} drink black now. I had a few friends come over for a play date and two of them asked for their coffee black. I remember scrunching my face in response and saying? REALLY? I had to try it. So the next few days I did drink it black and felt so hardcore.  

As hardcore as a mom drinking coffee can get. lol. 

I actually loved it. Weird... try it, dare you! 

Okay.. 

So, in responding to her questions this morning it really made me think about how the change has been for me, for us, for our family. This may start out sounding like a large venting session, but I promise it is so much more than that. 

I'm not going to lie, if you know how I blog by now, well, real is what you get. It has not been a walk in the park. Capri as well has been a very easy going baby, but she has had a few issues with her sleeping. Congestion kept her up in the first few months, and then her early teething dominated the next several. This girl had two bottom teeth at 5 months old. As a mom, you always compare your baby to your older kids and when they did things, and for me, 5 months was EXTREMELY early for teething. I have come to the conclusion that I think Capri has a much lower pain tolerance as well. For goodness sakes, remember Sawyer broke his tiny leg at 16 months old and if he wasn't not bearing weight on it, I would have had no idea his leg was broken. You can read about his Toddler's Fracture here. So coming from Mr. Tough Cookie to now a little princess, it has been a bit of a change. Add in the fact that the girls are sharing a room, so it makes moving her out of our room into their room more of a challenge. With all her waking up, I don't want all the other kids waking up, so we still have her in our room.

I also was explaining to her that I feel like sometimes I'm constantly telling one of them, "hold on just a second love." And sometimes this just breaks my heart. I want to be able to help all of them with everything they need, but I'm realizing I can't do that. Sometimes the big kids have to wait, sometimes the baby has to fuss for me to help Sawyer put his pants back on. My house is not picked up as well as it used to, my dishes are not always done when my husband gets home. The laundry... OH THE LAUNDRY. Laundry has, and continues to be my nemesis. Some days I completely fail, like this one.

I put up a post the other day about my trip to the store with all three of them. Which doesn't happen as often as it needs to.

It read:

"I guess I don't get out to stores with all 3 kids very often. I can't even tell you how many people stopped me and said, "wow, you have your hands full!" Or just stared.. Wow. Lol. The kids did great too! Take that people watchers! Haha."

It's true, I do have my hands full and the truth is, I'm so grateful on some days it just brings me to my knees thanking Him for this sometimes out of control life I've been given.  

I too have to remember that I was wonderfully made by the same creator that made the Heavens and the Earth, and he knew in stringing together my DNA that I would thrive on having my hands full. Teaching me all along the way...

I'm not that crazy, I mean I only have 3 kids, come on, the Proverbs 31 wife had just a FEW things going on right? She had so many things on her plate and she did them WELL. Oh how I strive to be like her!  

"She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue

  She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness."

{Proverbs 31: 26-27} 

Going from 2 to 3... well... here are a few things I've learned.

♥

I have had to lean on the Lord every day. Like ALL the days that end in Y.

I have had to become and even stronger TEAM with my husband. Oh how thankful I am for this man.

I have had to accept that I will not accomplish as much as I feel "I should" on days where the kids just need more of my time than the house does.

I have had to relax when it comes to that pile of dishes, that unswept floor, knowing that I WILL get to it, just not yet.

I've learned to take the time to just stare at this beautiful baby and hang on dearly to the moments, even the tough ones, knowing that these moments will be gone far too soon. I do feel like our family is complete, unless God has some crazy other plans he hasn't filled me in on yet.

I have had to rethink my work and understand that growing my business to another level is not what God has planned for me right now. Mothering is. He will provide exactly what I need from that business, and I need not worry.

MY FAMILY is my first ministry. 

I've learned that as soon as I feel a little out of control with my commitments, I release one. Hard for me, but life changing.

I've learned I'm going to fail some days, but other days I'm gonna ROCK this having 3 kids and juggling all my commitments thing like nobody's business. And it's with His strength. Not mine.

I've learned that I do need MY time. Maybe a little more often than I did before. And if that means getting up early and going to workout before our commitments on Sunday, I'll do it. No one wants to be around a grumpy mom.

I've learned that it's pretty difficult to be quick to anger when you have worship music playing. Try it.

I've learned that there are going to be days that I need to put myself in a mommy time-out before we have finished breakfast, and guess what, as long as I apologize and teach my kids about forgiveness, it was a morning not wasted. 

I've learned to appreciate and thank the Lord for some AMAZING friends I have in my life. Friends that I can just shoot a text message to in the morning asking for prayer, knowing that they have me covered that day. {Yes, I did send out a text this morning.}

I've learned that as long as I am SEEKING HIM first of all things, my life, although it might look crazy to some, is absolutely perfect and tailor made for me.

So, if at first glance it may seem like I am overwhelmed, exhausted, running a crazy house, well, you are all correct. But, at the same time I have JOY. SO much JOY. These babies have been given to me as a precious, precious gift. My Lord has my back and he's never going to forsake me.

The Lord has actually even changed my heart over the last two years in regards to my kids and I will be sharing that with you all very soon.. I promise I'm not pregnant. lol.

Until then.. feel free to give me any advice when it comes to helping my teething baby sleep through the night.. lol. And thank you to the lovely that sent me the message this morning that spurred this post. I think it will be one I will continually go back and read on the hard days to remember at 6 months into being a mom of 3, how much I have learned.

Now back to the coffee.. 

♥

Refreshing. {Why I Blog}

Wow, I never knew how much simpler things become when you are unable to use a computer for 6 days. My computer got a virus last week and it went into a crazy mode I had never seen. Thankfully, my uncle owns his own computer repair shop. Phew. But when your computer goes down and you know you can't even get it to them for a day and then the weekend comes, well I knew I had it coming.

At first I felt anxious.

It made everything more difficult from work, to my calendar, to responding to emails, to checking my bank account! I can do some of these things from my phone, but some things just weren't going to happen. And blogging was one of them.

But after the first day, I felt total peace. My life got very simple. I spent a lot of time working around my house, taking more photos on Instagram {@hmhawthorne if you have the app!}and spending quality time with my family.

The time where I'm solely listening to them, singing with them, playing with them, and not halfway thinking about something I "need" to be doing on my laptop.

It was refreshing.

But...I'm glad to be back. I had a friend text me tonight saying that she caught up on my blog and how much it touched her during such a tough week and day in particular. She found comfort in a few of my posts and as I read her text I thanked God. I still am thanking Him. She was prompted to in return post about it. Wow. I was once again honored and humbled.

That is truly why I am doing this. 

If something on my heart can reach your little heart where ever you are and the Lord can use my words as His to touch you who is reading this, then my job is done. That is why I am blogging. It may have started as me getting off Facebook and sharing what the Lord was doing within me, and this is now where my path has lead. Getting texts like this in return I feel is God's way of sustaining me and giving me a desire to keep sharing what's on my heart... my story... day after day.

There has been something that has been on my heart lately and I was eager to share it with you.

I want to tell you that no matter if you are writing a blog constantly sharing your faith...writing a blog where you hardly mention your faith at all, or maybe you are writing a blog for a completely different purpose and have no idea what you think about God, or have a lot of questions about what you believe... well... here goes. I want you to know that...

God will never love you any more or love you any less than He does RIGHT NOW. 

God's love for all of us is unchanging. 

In a nut shell, I'm not getting brownie points for blogging and sharing my faith. If that makes sense... I'm not taken off Santa's "naughty list" because I may be a little more bold on this subject. I could very well be getting a few lumps of coal for many reasons. lol. My beliefs are that works are completely unrelated to my faith in God and how God feels about and loves me.

You may be blogging about some incredible God-given talent, like all you crafty people and artists out there, or maybe you are just blogging to share some of your own thoughts and keep a journal of your life as it happens. It doesn't make your blog any less important to God and you are by no means any less loved by God.  

We may feel closer to God when we blog or speak out about our faith, but that is our own heart changing. It is not God's love for us that is changing.

I feel called to share my faith in many of my posts, but that is not everyone's calling. I think sharing your faith can sometimes be fruit of a changed person, but it's not always the case. I truly hope this is making sense. Sometimes these things sound so much better in my head. lol. I just would never want someone to read my blog and assume that I believe I am better than them because I speak out about my faith. No way. That is not who I am or at all what I believe. 

I think remembering that God's love for us all is completely unchanging regardless of the circumstances and how many "good works" we do or how many times we share what we believe is really encouraging. It takes the pressure off of me and you to try to obtain a life or a lifestyle that as imperfect people we will never obtain. Yes, we will always be striving to bring glory to God in all that we do, but we have the Lord to lean on.. His grace is a gift, not something we have to earn. I encourage you to take a minute and think about that. ☺

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:14

Anyways, that is all for tonight. The Benedryl is kicking in from another one of my strange allergic reactions. I'm getting a blood test done to see if it's a food related allergy. Fun stuff. ;)

Love you all... feels good to be back. Here are some photos from my week without my laptop. ♥

I ♥ rainy days.

I also ♥ carpet lines!!

I ♥ sipping on hot chocolate and getting into the Christmas spirit way too early.

I ♥ mommy and Addy trips to the mall!

I ♥ In-N-Out.

I ♥ watching my babies sleep.

I ♥ watching hubby put together a fun toy for the kids.

I ♥ the little choo choo noises Sawyer makes.

I ♥ this little man that stole my heart.

I ♥ Addyson and how much she loves her friends and going to church.

I ♥ my future track star in training! lol.

I ♥ watching them play in leaves..

I ♥ fall outfits on little kids.

I don't ♥ this. I hope this makes me go shopping because it's so embarrassing. lol!

I ♥ cupcake decorating classes!! Even ones that look like real food!

{Linking up here}

So much better than Facebook.

My dear Sawyer boy is asleep and Addyson is on a "daddy date." 

She was so excited to go out with daddy tonight, she even wore her Rapunzel dress and princess crown. Although she was only going to the neighbor's house for a little birthday party, you would have thought she was going to meet her favorite princess or share waffles with Tinkerbell. She hugged my legs and I kissed her head and they left.

I absolutely love her excitement for life. 

I'm now alone and the house is quiet. I didn't intend to, but I got lost in blogland for a while tonight. I honestly have stumbled across so many random pages and I have been incredibly humbled, inspired, amazed. 

I have tears running down my cheeks after reading stories of families that lost their precious babies. My heart literally ached with them. I prayed for them. I thanked the Lord for my babies' health.

I have had smiles across my face looking at amazing things some of you have made. I have actually thought to myself, "I might be able to make that..." 

{that doesn't happen often}

I see people just like myself. Blogging because they love life, they want to share some of the life lessons they have learned with hopes to be used by God to touch someone else somewhere. Even in just a tiny way.

I had no idea this world existed even a few months ago. 

I started this blog in January and never blog hopped until these last few weeks. 

I am so glad I did. You people are amazing.

I can't wait to meet you...

This is SO much better than Facebook. ♥

Guest Post: Blessing of Down Syndrome

This is officially my first guest post, and I couldn't be more thrilled than to share with you a dear friend of mine. 

I remember sending her a message {yes, back when I was on Facebook} to tell her congrats on her second pregnancy. We happened to be pregnant at the same time, only months apart. She ended up moving closer to me and we soon started to meet up and a friendship began. 

We would go on play dates together and proudly march around with our baby bumps and watch our crazy toddlers run around with each other. We talked about God, life, pregnancy, our kids, lots of things.

I can honestly say that our friendship grew even closer though after she had her adorable baby girl, Taylor. 

She is a beautiful mommy and her love for her kids just overflows from her. She even gets me to bake sometimes and she keeps telling me we are going to do something crafty. :) Love her! 

Her story inspires me and I couldn't wait to have her share it with you... 

Here is Fay... she blogs here... and this is her story.

_______________________________________________________________________________

I wanted to start by thanking Heather for inviting me to share my story with you on her blog!  It is my pleasure.This is a long one so please bear with me.

When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter Taylor it was a big shocker.  After all, my son, Brayden, was only 6 months old!  What the heck?!  How can I take care of two kids 15 months apart?  Luckily, it was my last semester of college and I graduated just in time to have my daughter.  It was perfect timing for having a surprise pregnancy if I do say so myself. I was so happy I was done with school and could focus on being the best mommy for my two precious babes. 

Taylor's birthday started out like any other day.  We were laying sod that morning after months of trying to get our dead grass to grow from seed and fertilizer alone.  I woke up feeling a little crampy but didn't think anything of it.  I did not anticipate going into labor since I had to be induced with my son and it was 4 days before my daughters due date.  I thought I at least had another week or so.  So I got up and ready for the day.  I remember I made circus animal waffles for Brayden that morning.  As the morning progressed the cramps did as well.  I wanted to help in the yard and I got yelled at a few times...no one wanted me to go into labor; at least not while they were trying to put the front yard in.  So I stayed back and took pictures of my little man wanting so badly to be big and help his daddy and grandpa. That afternoon we had planned to go to a birthday party for Mark's cousin's daughter. By early afternoon the cramping started feeling more like contractions, but I’m telling you I didn't believe anything was going to happen. I didn’t want to halt all plans for the day so we carried on. We got ready to go to the birthday party and headed out.  I drove with Mark's parents because he was finishing up some work.

On the way to the party my contractions really kicked in lasting at least a minute long and were five minutes apart.  We went to the party anyway.  I didn’t want to be that woman who went in for false labor.  I think I dealt with the pain for almost two hours before I decided it was time to go.  Mark still wasn't there yet so we left Brayden with Mark's dad and his mom drove me to the hospital.  It felt like a dream.  I didn't feel ready.  I didn't have my bag for the hospital, my camera or video camera and I didn't have anything for my baby.  This was not how I had imagined things going.  So I went in signed my papers and they checked me.  Yay!  Good news...I didn't have to leave.  I was dilated to a 4.  What? A 4?  Really?  So we called Mark and told him to head to hospital ASAP.  By that time it was 4:00.  They got me all hooked up and filled me with fluids that made me blow up like a balloon.  I endured a little bit more of the pain and finally asked for an epidural when I was dilated to a 6.  Thank goodness my pain was eased and Mark was there.  Our baby could come now...we may have not been ready but we were waiting.  Finally, after breaking my water and one push she arrived on June 12^th 2010 at 7:07 p.m. That little girl was ready to make her entrance! 

The doctors handed her off to me and there I held my baby girl.  I studied every part of her from head to toe.  I knew right away that something wasn't right.  I knew right away that she had Down syndrome.  She had very swollen eyes that were slightly slanted up.  Her nose was flattened and the back of her neck had thick skin.  Those were the only things I knew were associated with DS. Later I would learn the other things that are associated with it also.  I didn't say anything to anyone about what I was feeling or thinking.  I didn't want to ruin this time that was supposed to be a celebration.  No one said anything all night long.  Not a nurse, not the doctor, no one.  So there I was all night with my sweet baby girl that came into this very big world only needing me to love her, hold her, and nurture her. I didn't hold her very much the first night.  I didn’t snuggle her, kiss her, or love her like I should have.  I let her lay in the bassinet next to me.  "She was so good." I thought.  "She doesn't need me to hold her."  I didn't feel connected to her right away like I did with Brayden.  I don't know why, but maybe it was because I was scared of the unknown.  I wish I could take that first night back. 

I was anxious all night and couldn't sleep.  I felt alone and just wanted to blurt out what was on my mind.  I didn't want to say anything because what if I was wrong?  Bright and early the next morning the pediatrician came in to do the routine checkup.  I hated it.  I hated how long it took for her to check over her and make sure she was okay.  I hated all the questions she asked and the things she told me.  I hated that she went to go get the Neonatologist to come in and check her out.  I hated that after he examined her they went to the hallway to talk.  I hated that when she came back into the room she gave me the news I was dreading to hear. My heart sank.  She said it.  She said what I was thinking and knew deep down.  I lost it. I thought “this is not how things are suppose to be.  The daughter I dreamed about doesn't have Down syndrome.  That wasn't part of my plan.  We were supposed to go home with a clean bill of health.”  Instead of celebrating I was mourning the daughter I didn't have.  I felt horrible.  What kind of mom could I be to have these feelings?  I didn't want this to be my life.  How would it affect our family?  What would we have to give up?  Why me?  Why us?  I'm too young to have a child with special needs!  I felt like it wasn't fair and I envied all the moms who were able to take their child home that was everything they ever wanted and more.  I was jealous of their joy.  The joy I was supposed to have, but instead I had a broken heart. 

We couldn't take her home for a few weeks due to some health issues, but you better believe we were in the NICU everyday by her side.  I loved my daughter, but I had to get past the fact that she had DS to fall in love with her.  I had to stop looking at her and just seeing DS.  We had to wait a few days for the definite diagnosis of DS all the while we were still holding onto some hope that maybe it was all a fluke.  The results came in and I lost it again.  This time because it was really for real.  No questions about it.  Our daughter has Down syndrome. How would we tell people?  What would they think? It was hard for it all to sink in and truly accept it, but we did and we are so thankful for her.

We quickly learned about all the services that are out there for families and other children like Taylor with special needs.  We got involved in a wonderful support group where we have met some pretty amazing families and have formed friendships that will last a lifetime.  I have grown closer to God because of her, knowing I can’t do this on my own.  I have turned to him for guidance, strength, encouragement, peace, and comfort.  He has been there for me through it all, never leaving my side.  Even in my darkest moments in those first days he let me know it was going to be okay. I now know the plan that I had for my life is not the plan that God has for me and I had to learn to trust him. It was hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel, but now I have realized how much of a blessing my daughter has been to our family.  She brings so much happiness to our lives.  I appreciate the small things and enjoy them so much more.  You never realize how big those little things are until you have seen someone work so hard to achieve them.  I never thought I would cry when my daughter would roll over, sit up, pull herself to stand, and even babble a few sounds.  She has shown me the true meaning of life.  I wish everyone can see my daughter through my eyes.  We don’t treat Taylor any different than we treat our son. She absolutely loves her brother and enjoys doing things a typical child does.  We do everything we can to help our children learn and grow and become kind loving children.  All we want is what is best for them in this life.  I will be my child’s advocate whether they have special needs or not. The last 16 months have not been easy and I know the road we are on doesn’t get any easier, but I would not change a thing.  Because of Taylor I am a different person.  I am continually learning and growing.  I am still so excited to be a mommy to my two precious kiddos and strive to be the best I can for them everyday. 

At Sawyer's 1st birthday!

October is Down Syndrome Awareness month and I want to help spread awareness.  I want the questions you have to be answered.  I want you to be able to see a person with special needs and feel nothing but love for them.  They want nothing more than to fit it.  Remember they are more like you than different.  Yes, they may have some delays in development and a few different features, but it doesn’t mean they can’t achieve the same things you and I do.  It doesn’t mean they don’t have hopes and dreams for their lives just as you and I do. 

How cute is that helmet? She needs open up an Etsy shop!!

Buddies for life.

A few facts about Down syndrome

·         People with DS have 47 chromosomes instead of the usual 46. The extra chromosome is located on the 21^st pair, which is why it gets the name Trisomy 21 or T21. This causes delays in physical, cognitive, and language development.  Despite these delays individuals with DS can still do many of the things you can do as long as they are given the opportunity to experience all that life has to offer.

·         DS occurs in about 1 in 733 live births and can happen to anyone, affecting people of any age, race and socioeconomic level (You don’t have to be 35 and older to have a kid with DS…I was 22 when I got pregnant with Tay).

·         It is not known was causes DS.  It results in an error in cell division called non-disjunction.  DS usually occurs in the development of the sperm or the egg before conception or immediately following conception.  The extra chromosome can come from the mother or father, but in many cases it is the mother.

Every year in October a Buddy Walk takes place to help raise funds for the Down Syndrome Association of San Diego as well as the National Down Syndrome Society.  The money raised helps provide important services that help enhance the lives of individuals with Down syndrome.  If you feel it in your heart please donate.  Every dollar counts.  Just click on the link below.  Thanks for reading my story!! ♥

Support The DS Buddy Walk!

Linking up here today! ☺

My 10-year Reunion

Last night was my 10-year high school reunion. All day I felt edgy. We had a mini family photo session in the morning and I was excited about that, and then I knew I had to run to the mall and try to find something to wear to this reunion. The hard part was, it was "casual cocktail attire" and it was at a "brewery." I don't even know what "casual cocktail attire" means. If you haven't read, the mommy wardrobe, or how a Target girl does Vegas, well they might be worth the read so you can get an idea of where I stand when it comes to fashion. lol.

Anyways, I ran to the mall and was totally NOT in the shopping mood. I was so bummed. My husband had taken the kids home to nap, and here I was alone in the mall for the first time in who knows how long, and I had absolutely zero desire to even try to put an outfit together. And yes, I had definitely procrastinated. I am great about getting things done for the kids, but when it comes to myself, I'm always trying to get things done last minute whether it be getting in for an eyebrow appt. {which will be another post all together. lol} or getting an outfit for some occasion. So, I ended up telling my husband that I was going to just wear the dress I wore to the photo shoot in the morning and get a new pair of boots. I had no idea if this dress was "casual cocktail attire" but, I just couldn't shop! Has anyone else had one of those days?! So this is the dress. Notice the Ugg boots that I completely ruined by not water proofing the day I got them! Running in the grass to chase your kids during the morning dew and now they are toast. Now I really wanna say "UGggghhh...." Thankfully I can get away with buying the kids size Ugg boots so I save like $50. :) Okay, seriously, back to this post! I just had my morning coffee in case you can't tell. ha.

So, I ended up running into a shoe store and the first pair of boots I tried on seriously felt like they were made for me. I have trouble with my short legs and boots. Sometimes they go up to my knee caps, or they are too wide, just not the perfect fit most of the time. So the wonderful lady helped me find a color to compliment this outfit and off I went already over the whole idea of what I was wearing to the reunion. 

Oh, 10-year reunion... I think Facebook has completely destroyed you.

I think my edginess all day came from anxiety on this whole reunion thing. I mean, didn't we all already know what everyone was up to thanks to Facebook? I've been off since January, but I still knew for the most part who was married, had kids, and even what part of the country they were living in. I just kept thinking to myself on the way... how exactly do you recap 10 years and tell it to dozens of people over and over? Wouldn't that be awkward? Isn't everyone just going to be looking at each other to see how much they have changed since then? Have they put on weight, lost weight?  It just felt like I was going to be walking into the biggest pool for judgement. As I was telling my husband about this on the way down, he told me, I'm sure EVERYONE is feeling the same way you are right now. I think it was so true.

So we arrived and out of a graduating class of 420 and I'd say about 75 people were there {including some spouses and dates}. I think they said 90 tickets sold, but I highly doubt there were 90 people there. 

My hubby was a good sport and came with me. We told the story of how we met to about half of the people there. We would just alternate who told it the next time. lol! I'm not even sure if I have blogged about how we met! Hmm... soon. :)

I actually instantly saw some faces that shocked me that they were there! I knew how far they lived and I was stoked to see them. My mood immediately changed. Memories came back. Some of these were people that I spent four years of my life with, and had really good times with. I remember the days before having smart phones in high school... writing notes to each other and folding them up in fun ways. I actually was one of those strange people that loved high school. Yes, it had it's drama, but I really loved it. I guess if I had to pick a stereotype for myself, I was the cheerleader, but also the athlete. My studies always came first. I took French, and was good at math although I didn't enjoy it.  I was on the competitive cheer team, the gymnastics team, and even did pole vaulting. It was mostly all good times and it's crazy how many of these memories come back when you see these familiar faces in person! It really is different than Facebook. Some people have changed and some people haven't. It was funny watching the same clicks kinda start to form as the night went on, but isn't that to be expected? I wanted to hang out with the people that I spent the most time in high school with as well. These were the people I could talk to and reminisce with.

We ended up leaving around 11 pm and honestly I could have stayed and chatted longer. There were some people that if they didn't live so far away I would have busted out my iPhone calendar and set up a coffee date with. 

I would now tell anyone that is having second thoughts about going to their reunion to go. Facebook, yes, has destroyed a lot of the surprise in a reunion, but there truly is a difference in seeing someone in person, hearing that familiar voice and giving them a hug after so many years.  Oh, and I actually got tons of compliments on my ensemble. All that anxiety for nothing. Don't we all do that from time to time though? ♥

Facebookless for 238 Days and Counting

I can hardly believe it! 238 days!? Precisely, it's been that long since I have had a personal Facebook page, commented on someone's wall, or even "liked" a picture in someone's album. Still I have many friends forget that I'm not on there and then they ask me about an event and I have no clue as to what they are talking about and they say..."Ohhh, that's right, you're not on Facebook." It doesn't happen as often anymore. I really don't mind telling people I don't have Facebook. I don't get as many shocked faces as I did when I was getting off the social networking phenomenon. I think to people that never knew me as my totally social networking addicted self, they don't know any different, and if I am not on Facebook, it's not that big of a deal. Stopping something is when you usually get most of the "flack" if you will, not for not doing something in the first place. Does that make sense? Sometimes these sentences sound so much better in my head and actually typing them out I wonder if the thought is really getting across the same way. lol.

Anyways, I have, like I mentioned kept up my business page and I have been pretty good at only posting once a week. Recently, I did break that rule in order to post a few more times to get votes for a contest and such, but in all honesty, my heart has really changed on the subject of Facebook. I truly don't have an urge to be on it. I don't post on my business page secretly hoping people will comment on every post and "like" every photo. It's truly business minded. Marketing. Free advertising. I know how much having a Facebook page can effect business. Having that page is what really launched my little mommy hobby to begin with! So if I do decide to post a few times a week it's not because I'm fighting this urge to get my social networking out, it's because I want to get my name out there a few more times that week. To be honest, most of the week I forget though. I don't think about posting during the week because it's not a habit anymore. Mondays are set in my brain and the rest of the week it almost feels unnatural at this point to post! Crazy how much we can train our own brains in such a short amount of time. And to all that were wondering if this blog would be my next outlet to occupy by need for social networking I can wholeheartedly say that it hasn't. Sometimes weeks go by without a post and although I do love writing and sharing experiences, this is not something that consumes me. I successfully use almost every naptime that I have to myself. And if I choose to post in that time a couple days, wonderful! But, it's not something I have to do.

I've decided now that it has been over 6 months to revisit my posts back in January and see if my outlook has changed when it comes to what I miss about Facebook and what I don't miss. You can read these posts by clicking here and here. And just to clarify, those that are possibly new to my blog, these are my reasons, and my reasons alone. I don't think by any means that FB is the devil, and I don't encourage everyone to deactivate, as I did. This was a personal decision. Something that needed to change for me. So I hope you can understand my heart on this if you haven't followed my journey since the beginning.

Alright, I'll start with the Top 10 Reasons I Do Not Miss FB, and looking back I can still fully agree with all of my statements. I do get my laundry done better than I did before, I am cooking now 4 times a week, I don't ever have a thought to "creep" someone's page because it isn't even an option. I almost completely forgot what it feels like to have that scatterbrain feeling I spoke of as I'd read through the newsfeed almost every morning before my feet even hit the floor. I don't know what people are doing all the time and to be honest this just makes me feel like I don't have anyone I have to compare myself to. It's an amazingly freeing feeling. I'm living my life for the Lord, my family, my children and for me. Not for everyone else. I think I've even been more patient with people and less judgmental. I absolutely HATE being judgmental and work to not be judgmental, but we all have seen the posts from people and wonder "What are they thinking!?" or "Why would they post that?!" and isn't that a form of being judgmental? I think so. It has forced me to only think about a person from what I know of them in person, our direct contact with each other. Does that makes sense? Another one of those statements that sound better in my head. ☺

Okay, carrying on... now to re-visit the Top 10 Reasons I Miss FB. Most of these things I still miss. I do miss not seeing pictures of my friends' kids growing up. I've been better about play dates and sometimes I've even, like last night, while texting a friend asked them to send me a pic of their baby. I know it sounds silly, but then I get to see a small glimpse into their world and share that joy of parenting along with them. I did install this app called Instagram and that is kinda fun to upload pics to, but I only have like 3 people on there, because, yet again, in order to find people that also share this app, it asks you to log-in to your Facebook page. Too funny... Okay, back to what I miss. I still miss not knowing everyone's birthdays! I even missed my cousin's birthday by a few days and felt so horrible!! I wish I could have everyone text me their birthdays! Actually, if you are reading this, stop, pick up your phone and text me your birthday!!! Or add a comment. :) I want to know! I love birthdays and love to remember people on their birthday. It's ONE special day we all get a year! Ya know?! As for most of the rest of the list of what I initially missed, well, I've adapted. I don't go to FB to find my news, I ask my husband. LOL. No really, I do ask him most of the time or I sign on to Foxnews. I don't post encouraging things on FB, but I do post prayer requests, and hopefully encouraging things on this blog and I feel like it is even better because more of my thoughts can be seen on a certain subject. My heart is in these posts.

Well, speaking of posts, this one is being cut short due to a little 17 month old that is now trying to tell the world that his naptime is over. But, all in all, I must say although I do miss certain things about FB, when I weigh the positives and the negatives, I'm still completely content in this journey of being Facebookless for 365 days... who knows... maybe more...♥

Leaving you all with a few photos from our walk yesterday...

One happy boy out of the cast!

I hope she always takes time to smell the flowers.

iPhone doesn't do this justice! lol.

My Sawyer, 17 months.