Monday, December 31, 2012


I've been ignoring something lately.

You know that feeling when God puts something on your heart, teaches you a lesson, you read or hear something and deep down you know it wasn't meant for just you alone. 

I now know that this is one of the ways Mr. Holy Spirit makes himself known to me. I get an undeniable feeling, and I hate to use the word feeling, but an undeniable sense that I need to write about specific things. That this conviction I feel or truth was meant to be shared. I have not the slightest clue as to who it might also be for, but I know in my heart that I'm called to share it. 

At these times when I get these burning feelings I actually sometimes feel like I need to, well, let's be honest, run for the deodorant! So not kidding here.. and sorry if that's tmi for some of you. But I get that sweaty, nervous feeling and literally have sentences running through my brain of what is supposed to be on paper. Or typed? It's almost like the post is writing itself.. and guess what... lately I've been shutting them off. A few days go by, and phew, that feeling has subsided. On with my life.

I'm too tired.
I just want to relax tonight.
My computer is way too slow to write. (Yes, I've used that one.)
I just need to get this work email sent.
And my favorite of all, Lord, please, this one is quite personal, I don't really want to share THAT one.

But once you feel convicted about failing to share your convictions then where do you turn? lol. That was such a strange sentence. Well, I guess repent and get back in the saddle.

Thank God for his grace once again. 

I have loved the song, "Use Me Here" the moment I heard it during summer camp at Hume Lake back in high school. A whole *cough* 11 years ago. Sheesh. When you write it down it sounds SO long ago!

The chorus by Everybody Duck:

Use me here, where I am.
Not gonna pray anymore that you change your plans.
Despite my fear, I place my life in your hands.
The future can wait, tomorrow might be too late.
Jesus use me here. 

Good one huh?

Funny that I find myself praying these words and then when God gives me the opportunity to be "used" to share something he is teaching me, I say, not right now. Ha. Oh man. I'm so guilty.

I somehow tweak the chorus...

Use me here, when it's super convenient.
When I'm fully rested and my kids have been good.
Preferably after a nap, and my schedule is free.
Jesus use me then. 

I hope you catch my extreme sarcasm, but how often do I do this!? Please someone tell me they can relate! Maybe your conviction isn't writing, but something else. Something that you have been avoiding for a while.

Time to repent of my selfish flesh once again. 
Slow down.
Make time for the Lord when he says GO. 

So all that to say... one of my new years resolutions is to write more. Not just to write, but to write when that burning feeling inside me can't be anything other than the Holy Spirit. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure from time to time I'll share things that God does not give me a burning desire to share {like my new awesome soup recipe!!}, but I think you will be able to pick out the posts in which I do feel called to write.. like this, or this, or this one.

Lastly, I give you all permission now to hold me accountable. That's what I love about blogging! Once it's out here, well, gosh now every little mouse click to this page is another person that can hold me to it. Haven't heard from me in a while, text me, email me. I guarantee it's not because I haven't learned something or felt a conviction. Call me out. I need it. 

My prayer is that although I might be wearing a lot of hats right now, I never want to be too busy to do something that God is pressing on my heart for me to do. I hope you can pray for me too. 

Funny that my toddler got sick over the weekend, my husband had plans to pick up a friend from the airport tonight and I'm left to ring in the new year in such a strange way. Writing? I feel like God is smiling and saying to me, "GOTCHA!"

God - 1, me - 0.

Alright, glad we got that settled.

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own." Philippians 3:12.

Here's to 2013!

Happy, happy New Year from my little fam to yours!

Worth listening to..


Friday, December 14, 2012

Baskets of Laundry

It's the eve of my 30th birthday. 

I knew turning 30 would be something I would always remember, but I didn't know that I would go into it on a night such as this.

Today's tragedy rocked me to the core. My cheeks are raw from wiping the tears. All day trying to hide them from my three little ones.

The overwhelming theme that I can't seem to shake is the stolen innocence.

The stolen innocence of every little child from Sandy Hook that did go home tonight to their families. 
The stolen innocence of every brother, sister, step-brother, step-sister that went home without someone tonight. 
The stolen innocence of that entire community. 

Their childhood memories will never be the same.

I sat on the floor tonight with a giant basket of laundry and cherished the moment. Sounds so strange, but not today. I took out every tiny article of clothing and held it up. So tiny. My mind quickly raced to the parents that lost their children tonight.. how their baskets of laundry would never be the same.

I had to push images out of my brain. Pray them out each time they over took me. The thing that I had to keep reminding myself was that these were not the first parents that have lost a child. And they won't be the last. So many around us have suffered and are suffering and although the circumstances are different, the pain is the same.

Pain is something we will never escape in this world. 

We can't fix a tragedy. No explanation will ever be enough. 

And we all deal with it differently.

Some people respond to tragedy with a need to fix it. 
Some respond to tragedy with a need to just feel the pain. 
Some respond to tragedy as if nothing happened because that's the only way their mind can cope.

I could see all of this in just posts on Facebook alone. I knew each of those people were hurting in their own way. As we continue to see people react in different ways to this tragedy, my prayer is that we can try to take a step back and understand that we all mourn differently. Not spread more hate because someone may not mourn in the same way that we do.

Today I just felt the pain.

I thanked our Lord for another day with my angels and cried out for His mercy to fill the hearts of those in CT. It never seems like enough, but in the moment, it's all we can do.

Tomorrow as I wake up I know the faces behind the 20 children stolen from us will start to surface. My heart will once again be ripped from my chest.

As I look upon their faces, 
I will also remember that they are right now in a place where there are no more tears. 
They are in a place where there is no more pain. 
They are in a place far better than we are now. 

Oh days like today make me long for heaven...and cling to the promises of God.. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Isaiah 49:13
Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.

Revelation 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

God's word will not return void. 

Oh Lord, I know you hear our cries tonight. 

Tonight it doesn't matter how many times my baby girl wakes up. 
Tonight I cherished the cuddles with my big girl on the couch and watching her dance to the music of the credits.
Tonight I smile thinking about how many times I helped my boy put his undies back on after successful trips to the potty. 

Tonight I am thankful for another night with these gifts that God has given me. 

Each day we have together truly is a that, a gift.